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As a middle-aged single person, I’m more open to dating apps than I was in past years. Whether that’s out of defiance or desperation or just to see what my exes are up to, I’m not exactly certain. But most of us are looking for love, whether we admit it or not, and dating apps are a moderately entertaining way to filter out the worst contenders while sitting alone on the couch looking very much not like our profile photos.
So it was only a matter of time until someone thought to merge romance and sex with astrology (probably a Scorpio). There’s no shortage of dating apps that profess they can match your planetary placements with loads of potential partners. Candidates include ilios, Oromoon, Karma, Astrodita, Astrogether, NUiT (probably the closest to Tinder), and The Pattern (the in-depth horoscopes are incredible).
But I don’t think we’re using these astrology dating apps correctly.
Assessing a Potential Partner By Their Sign
Most astrology dating apps take a fairly comprehensive approach and let you explore beyond someone’s birth chart. matching. You can filter results by orientation, religion, height (tall girls, you understand), careers (clowns only, anyone?), and lots more.
But let’s be honest. Are you swiping left entirely on your assumption of who they are based on the digits of their birth date?
Certainly, it’s tempting to steer clear of a sign after a disappointing night out or a devastating long-term relationship. So long, adventurous but drama-loving Sagittarius! Don’t tell me my Cancerian touchy-feeliness is too much, logical Aquarius! Fool me once, charming yet arrogant Gemini! (Actually, more than once…)
When someone charms the literal pants off me and then pretends nothing happened, it makes me feel better if there’s something else—anything else—to blame other than myself. It’s so much less self-defeating to think that the trainwrecks of my earlier dating life—and subsequent broken-hearted binges on high-end cheese—are because of something as arbitrary as the day someone was born.
Some of us argue that astrology simplifies dating. That includes my former dating self. There have been times when I’ve sworn off entire segments of the population as dating partners simply because of their astrological signs.
But after more life experience, I can say that if you’re looking at someone’s dating profile and swiping left based exclusively on their sign, you’re wrong. Do you see an actual person in all their complexity? Or are you assuming they’re little more than a logical Capricorn? A dreamy Pisces? A justice-seeking Libra? A sweet yet snarky Cancer?
Understanding the subtleties of someone’s planetary placements and the interplay between them is something AI can’t replicate. Not well. Not yet, anyway. Besides, how do you know if a match is truly based on planetary compatibility or if a basic algorithm has duped you without any consideration of someone’s moon sign, Lilith placement, or north node?
An algorithm can’t tell you whether someone will force you to listen to their awful taste in music or remember to put the seat down on the toilet. It can’t tell you how a person’s experiences change them or whether they’re even willing to acknowledge, let alone address, their baggage.
And neither can astrology.
What Astrology Can—and Can’t—Tell You About Potential Partners
Dating is complicated stuff. So is astrology.
Yes, understanding the intricacies of someone’s birth chart might offer you insights into the more profound, mysterious, surprising, and quirky parts of them that would otherwise go unnoticed until later. Maybe much later.
Peeking at someone’s chart might also potentially help you glean insights into their edges as well as their depths. And sometimes it can reveal tendencies and predispositions that are infinitely helpful as you move into a full-fledged relationship.
But that in-depth analysis is hardly suitable for your first two or three dates not to mention before you’ve even been introduced to the poor astro-stalked soul in person.
Also, it can’t account for all the millions of circumstances that influence someone. We’re continually learning and evolving, with every interaction contributing to who we are becoming. Sure, your astrological sign can lend you some insight, but even the stars can’t predict everything.
I’ve sworn off Geminis for a large part of my dating years. But I also have friends who are Cancer and Gemini matches and have been in love for years. The kind of enviable love that makes others uncomfortable in its presence.
I’m not disparaging any attempts to learn a birth time and location before things intensify. Forewarned is still forewarned. But evading the experience of getting to know someone because of their sign preemptively writes off one-twelfth of the population with each constellation you dismiss. Seems awfully reductive, doesn’t it?
Put another way, if you didn’t come of age in the polyester-clad ’70s, you missed out on the full experience of being approached in-person by someone who asked you the cringe line, “Hey baby, what’s your sign?”
Yet, we seem to think it’s okay to do the same from afar thanks to the distance afforded by our screens.
Are You Asking Too Much of an Astrology Dating App?
If you’ve been curious about astrology dating apps, by all means, take one for a spin. I’ve done it and I support your right to try it, too. But do yourself a favor and base the direction of your swipe on more than someone’s sign.
The best way to know someone is to actually get to know them. Like, in person. Scary, I know. Maybe before you rush headlong into yet another app that lures you with promises of finding your soulmate, stop and consider what it is you’re truly expecting from online dating. And then ask yourself whether what you’re seeking is actually something someone else can deliver.
Who knows. I might even take my own advice and give a Gemini one more try.
